Toeing the Rubber

(Note from Cyn:  Tru comes through again!)

1. Play any interview of Curt Schilling

This technique has a value of three to four weeks, comprised of arguing with everyone, including, but not limited to your mailman.

2. Watch replays of Eric Gagne in a Red Sox uniform

Still highly effective, this approach may tax your health care coverage.

3. Pine Tar your bed posts

While not very popular, waking to the smell of baseball will keep you happy for a few weeks. Also plan on sleeping alone, or prepare for an intervention from your spouse.

4. Attend Bench Rocking classes

The Leo Mazzone School of Bench Rocking has gained wide popularity, and you too can learn to rock with the best of them. Terry Francona is slated to be a guest speaker at the December gathering at the Ramada Inn in Seekonk, Rhode Island.

5. Meet and Greet

While still unorthodox, finding out where players reside in the off season, breaking into their homes remains a great way to keep your baseball love in tact.

6. The Mall

Standing outside JC Penney in the dead of winter, and screaming Julio Lugo is a gold glover is sure to attract other fans and good baseball discussion. This is good for holiday shopping weekends, but has a value of a day or two.

7. Attend Vigils

Since the famous trade of Nomar Garciaparra, vigils have become a way of life. There are chapters for Bronson Arroyo, and a newly formed Manny Ramirez charter. Understand though, that wearing black is mandatory.

8. Build a Park

Teach your kids, the nieces and nephews how to build a baseball park from snow and ice. Spray painting the details of your favorite ball park is a great finishing touch. Don’t forget to have dogs and a beer, as you watch the tykes slide into home, and beyond. This has a day value, and should be carefully planned around a January thaw.

9. Be a Player at Work

Don your team uniform and act like your favorite player for a week, while your co workers look on in astonishment and envy. Matt Garza impersonations may result in health code violations. Three week value rating.

10. GM-A-Thons

Equipped with throw away cell phones, you and your friends can occupy late evenings calling baseball general managers in both leagues, while proposing impossible trades and deals. Imagine the fun of being Arn Tellem and telling Brian Cashman that you can deliver top talent at a fraction of his market value! This has a rating of 8 ~ 10 weeks.

Yankees Co-Chairperson Narrowly Avoids Embarrassment

October 29, 2008

Boston Gullible

By U. Ben Hadd

The World Series has seen its share of odd happenings over the years, but as temperatures plummeted and rain continued soaking Citizens Bank Park for game five of the World Series, first base umpire Tim Tschida and home plate umpire Jeff Kellogg were in the process of suspending play when Henry G. Steinbrenner stormed into the Fox broadcasting booth during a commercial break.  The players and on field officials knew nothing of what was happening in the broadcast booth.

Read the rest of this entry »

Well, in this case, mystery writeR.  Many of you who read this blog also read “A Red Sox Fan from Pinstripe Territory” written by Jere Smith.  Not too long ago, I was one of a few sent an advanced copy of the novel he wrote with his mother, writer Mary-Ann Tirone Smith.  My plan was to pimp the book for Jere just prior to it being released.

I failed miserably.  Day late, dollar short, all that.

But my shortcoming works to your benefit!  See, the book is now available for purchase so you won’t have to wait to get your copy!  It’s called “Dirty Water:  A Red Sox Mystery” and I really enjoyed reading it not just for the story, which is wonderful, but for the inclusion of all things Boston and Red Soxy!

So support a fellow Red Sox fan, blogger, and just good guy!  Pick yourself  up a copy today!

This was 2 weeks before he threw the no-hitter. Notice the hand has moved up to my shoulder!

So I never do this stuff, but what the heck.  I got tagged by Soxy Lady to reveal 7 weird or random facts about myself with you all.  I’m also supposed to tag 7 other folks, but I won’t do that.  I’m in a bit of a writing rut this week so I’m hoping this will help shake me out of it. All of them will be baseball-related except for number 6, which I copied from Soxy because there are many folks here who will appreciate it

7.  I love the National League. I do.  Love it.  And it doesn’t even have to do with pitchers hitting (because I dig the Designated Hitter!).  I think it has to do with watching teams whose success doesn’t have any bearing on the Red Sox.  It probably can also be traced to TBS showing all those Braves games for so many years.

6.  My first word was “bitchy”. Do with this information what you will.  (I do feel the need to put in a note that my aunt taught me “bitchy” NOT the Red Sox Hen!)

5.  I loved Carl Everett when he was on the Red Sox. I didn’t care how crazy he was.  I didn’t care about the dinosaurs.  Hell, I didn’t even care about how he turned every “Family Day” into an episode of “Raw”.  He hit the crap out of the ball and was a good fielder and I cried giant tears of joy when he broke up Mike Mussina’s perfect game.

4.  I once rubbed Johnny Damon’s naked arm. In 2005, at Bronson Arroyo’s cd release party in Boston, Johnny wandered into the crowd and caused a stampede.  While getting pushed around, I ended up right next to Johnny.   I never really looked at him that way, but what the hell, his arm was right there.  So I rubbed it.  It felt like a piece of steel wrapped in velvet.  I had really good dreams that night.

3.  Derek Lowe grabbed my ass. Sure, I know what you’re saying, “You and every other woman in Boston”.  Maybe so.  Still, though, he did it.  And he was very nice while doing so.  Even posed for pictures.

2.  I almost got in a fistfight with a Yankee fan at Fenway Park with my dad sitting next to me. It was 1999.  We were sitting in the last row in the grandstand and had people standing behind us.  First, the guy started heckling Pedro (who was pitching that night).  He also heckled every Sox player when they were up at bat.  Then he started yelling at fans to “shut the fuck up” when we were cheering.  All of this happening in my ear.  I went from politely asking him to stop yelling in my ear to finally turning around and telling HIM to STFU and he called me a “Masshole”.  People literally had to hold me back.  My Dad, God love him, was stunned.  He had never seen me so hot.  Fenway security eventually ended up taking the jerk away.  Score one for me.

1, Kevin Millar’s mom once sent me a Christmas card.  Back when I ran a fan site for him.  She sent me a Christmas card with a picture of Kevin and his twins in it (and one of her with the twins).  She’s as nice as he is and exactly how you would expect Kevin Millar’s mom to be!

Yanks score first and I say “meh”.  My how times have changed.  (Jacoby repays my indifference with a lead-off home run - woo!  And while I’m editing things Youk hits a two-run home run.  Sweet.)

Barstool Sports, which I generally despise, has photos from the Sox celebrating at Game On! Tuesday night after they clinched a playoff spot.  Guess they’re good for something.  (Google it.  You’ll find them.)  The photos are a lot less wild-looking than they were last year, with my favorites being of my man Mike Timlin.

My favorite part of that celebrating is it seems most of the significant others with with their men, including Dawn Timlin who witnessed her hubby letting loose.

I’m glad they got to have some fun - they certainly deserve it.  Now it’s time to finish up the season and be prepared to kick ass in October.

During the season, I got into the habit of posting a picture of Kyle Snyder to make me smile when life or the Red Sox were getting me down…right now, since both are joining together (life and the Red Sox, that is) to kick me where it counts,  I need a little more than a photo.

From Comcast Sports Net last year:

“I’m not here to just judge guys on their physical appearance…”

Kyle is under-rated when it comes to being funny. 

David Pauley and Justin Masterson Photo grabbed from WBZ.com

…but I dig it.

I don’t get why men dressing as women is considered funny.  I don’t find it funny at all.  Don’t find it offensive either, it just isn’t what tickles my funny bone, you know?

Yet, every year I get a kick out of seeing what the Red Sox rookies are forced to wear on the final travel day (out of Boston) of the season.  I don’t think they’ll ever be able to top Clay Buchholz and Jacoby Ellsbury looking kind of hot in drag last year, so this year they went for the outrageous (with the fake breasts and wild wigs).

Not everyone was in drag, though, as the theme was “High School Musical”.  So some of the guys (I’m looking at you, Justin Masterson) really got off easy.

WBZ has a slideshow here as well as a video here and KellyO was at the game and got a few photos and those you can find  on her livejournal.

While Devern Hansack has done this, I believe, three times now, it occurs to me that Jon Lester might have NEVER been forced to do it.  If he did in 2005, I’d love for someone to dig out a photo or two and send it to me!

Daisuke v Kazmir tonight at 7:10.  The Sox have an opportunity to leave Tampa Bay in first place.  Here’s hoping they don’t squander it.  The push for the division begins tonight, fellas!